‘pointless’
grateful for gardens and cats who sit with you as you weed out beds that have dreamed of having veggies in them again for years. •
got smog’s song “to be of use” going around and around my head. i still don’t feel i can practise – not really, not yet. some days i can do an hour and it’s delightful. other days i wake up and i know there is little point trying. my body and mind and heart are recovering and i need to honour the physical pain (ankle, head) and the emotional pain (abrupt change) and let myself process and rest. •
so, i bake bread like i always do (twice a week now i’m with family) and have been turning the soil like my granny taught me. when my ankle is better i’ll go for long walks along the river.
the passionfruit vine is mad with leaf and length. worms get bigger the deeper you go. there’s new spiders to discover, and grasshoppers sitting on nasturtiums. •
my head is fine and present and here, but my heart is just slow and out of joint. that’s okay. at least we have time. waiting is both the easiest and the hardest part. we have tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. •
